“A lot of the conflict you have in you life exists simply because you’re not living in alignment; you’re not being true to yourself” (Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You).
Now that’s a powerful statement! Read that again.
What this quote means is that so many of us feel unfulfilled, unhappy, and ask ourselves, “is this it?” We feel that we are missing out, that we are meant for more and that we feel on edge, stressed or burnt out but are not sure why.
And most of us do the right things – we exercise, we get a job, we start a family if we choose and are able to, work long hours to build our career, try and eat right, take our kids to lots of practices and activities…etc. etc. etc.
But what if the right things weren’t the “right things” for you? What if the effort on doing what you’re “supposed” to be doing isn’t aligned with what you hold most important in your life? The most meaningful? Or that you feel like you’re doing a lot of the “right” things but still feel unsatisfied?
That’s where the inner conflict comes in.
A Real Example
I’ll give you an example. You’re a new mom that will be going back to work in a short period of time. But everyone around you is doing something different – some are working, some are staying home, some are working part time…etc.
So you feel guilty. You don’t know what to do. Everyone has an opinion on what is the “right” thing to do.
It happened to me after my second child, Addy, was born. I had to dig deep to wrestle with what my values were in order to make the right decision for me.
I had to ask myself, “Did I even like to work?" And “What was I passionate about?”
When I did the work, my values came up to be Physical and Mental Health, Family and Helping Others (Hard Work, Growth and Development were close behind but focusing on your top 3 allows you to…well…#focus).
My job allowed for me to feel my own sense of accomplishment and allowed me to guide and nurture others around me (Helping Others) and encouraged getting active (Physical and Mental Health) but I was also able to be there for all of my kids important moments such as Christmas concerts, field trips, and volunteering in the classroom (Family). My job allowed me to find the balance I personally needed to make me feel most fulfilled.
But if your values were strictly Family and Connection and Belonging, you might chose to stay at home with your kids and be completely fulfilled (if you are able).
Or if your values were Enterpreneurial or Advancement, working long hours or going to work to provide for your family would be your fulfillment.
Everyone is different.
That’s the beauty of this world. No two people are alike so you must do the work and find what makes you happiest and what makes you feel accomplished with the life you are living.
So, What Exactly are Values?
1.) Values are what you hold to be the most important aspects of your life. Ex. Integrity or Courage or Communication or Family.
2.) Values are your personal qualities and beliefs that shine through your actions. Ex. If Integrity is a value that speaks to you, you shine brightest in an environment where people are treated fairly, with dignity and respect.
3.) Values are how you want to be treated and how you treat others and the world around you. Ex. If courage is a value that is important to you, you choose to show up everyday and face the unexpected and fear in order to feel fulfilled and you hold others accountable around you to be brave. You value people like Rosa Parks who spoke up amongst all the adversity and refused to give up her seat.
Our values and morals tend to stay quite stable and are non-negotiable, so when there’s a conflict with them or when you don’t know what your values are, we often feel incomplete and unsatisfied.
Finding Your Core Values in 4 Easy Steps!
For anyone looking to find their values and what they truly live by, grab a pen and paper and we are going to do an exercise. I say pen and paper because I believe writing it down and crossing things off and rearranging is all part of the narrowing down process so don’t just skip out and try to do this exercise all in your head.
**Note** - we also have a “Finding your Values” worksheet that is attached and FREE to use but if you don’t have a printer near by, feel free to do this exercise below on a regular paper and pen.
Step 1:
Close your eyes and write down everything that you’re passionate about and everything that you love. Dig deep. This should be a 20 min exercise where you have quiet around you and you write down everything that comes to mind. What did you love to do as a kid? What were you drawn to? Where did you feel most happy? Who was around you? What were you doing?
Get it all down and come back to this article when you’re done.
Do not skimp out on the 20 min timeframe. The first 10 minutes are all about the surface things and then you start to list things you remember but haven’t done in 15 years or have never done but always seemed appealing to you.
Step 2:
Group the things you love. Circle the items and find common themes. Eg. If you have a lot of “I love seeking adventure” and “I love exploring and travelling” and “I feel my best when I’m out on a mountain by myself” – could be a theme of experience, adventure seeking, exploring, nature. Don’t think too much about giving your groups names yet but just write out what seems to go together.
Step 3:
Use the list below to find the values that match your passions and things you love. And don’t just pick ones because you “should.” Pick values that align with what you love and what you’re passionate about.
And if you’re like me, you will have a list of 10-15 values that speak to you.
Be brave, be strong and narrow all of your values to 3 MAX.
If you can narrow your value to one single value, you will have a very clear path. If you have two or three, that is completely fine as well but you might find some pull if you have two different priorities. Ie. If you choose Patience and Success, you might wait out on opportunities that could make you successful as an example. If you only chose success, you have a lit path to giving all that you have to be successful. If you only chose patience, then you will know that taking a step back and continuing to work hard but in a way that you are proud of and understanding that patience brings you the most happiness, will be fulfilling to you.
You do you – honestly, and without reserve. No one is going to read this list except you!
The Values List
This is the list of values to choose from:
Step 4:
You can do this two ways. The first is to write out what you are going to do with your new found knowledge and set yourself 2 or 3 goals that you will achieve in the week to fulfill your values.
Ex. You pick Peace or Physical and Mental Health as your value – schedule 3 ways to help you find your peace or mental or physical health such as:
Take time to read a good book on Monday morning.
Go for a hike on Wednesday night with my family.
Talk to my bestie on Friday for a pick me up and to chat about my newly acquired knowledge.
Weekend – rest.
The more you start to live by your values, the more fulfilled you will feel. You will start to feel less anxious, bitter, stressed, unsettled.
You will have a direction and you will follow your arrow and know that you are walking on the path that was meant just for you.
You will start the process of knowing who you are which brings enlightenment and joy to your life because you have a clear path to live by.
Where Finding Fulfillment Leads You
Mel and I are on our way to helping more than a dozen people find their true North and life’s purpose.
This process brings about a crazy amount of belief in yourself, joy and in return confidence to take on whatever life throws at you. Finding your values is one of the first steps in creating the life you’ve always wanted.
Continuing this journey by setting goals, expressing gratitude, changing your mindset and progressively moving forward continues to build on your journey.
If you’d like to join our program that has changed so many people’s outlooks on life and are getting them on their own successful path, message us today (either at LifewithExclamations@gmail.com or DM us on Instagram). Our 90 day “Finding your Truth North” program sets you up to get you to where you want to be.
You only have one life - Join us today and learn to make it an exceptional one.
Ren & Mel
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